I’m listening to country music coming from the TV in the motel room. The song is “God’s Will” by Martina McBride— a female country singer.
Right now, I’m lying on an unusually large bed, listening to the music. But still… I don’t think I’m a small guy, yet I feel overwhelmed by how big this bed is. It makes me feel small somehow.
People from other states often say that Texans are big— their words, their cars, their attitude, everything. … Yeah, that’s definitely true.
At the gas stations along the way, the snack bars sell cola in cups the size of buckets. And they’re only 99 cents… Pretty generous, right? At first I thought, “No way I can drink that much!!” But humans adapt. You get used to it. Eventually, I could finish it easily. And on top of that— refills are free. No wonder everyone’s stomach sticks out.
And if you look around town, you see huge pickup trucks everywhere. Some regular cars even have two wheels on each side in the back— four rear tires. And on the freeway, massive convoy trucks as big as walls come roaring by. Mixed in with them are Japanese cars, looking like they could be blown away by the wind pressure. Even the motel room I’m staying in now is strangely large and luxurious for the price.
Oh… looks like it’s about time. Yeah… perfect timing. My instincts are sharp today. Thinking that, I pull out a chilled drink from the ice-filled sink. Lately I’ve been into this one— light, smooth, easy to drink like water.
Relaxing in this big room, sipping my drink, various thoughts come and go in my head.
I left Japan on impulse, without thinking ahead. Normally, reason would stop you: “Save your money.” “If you don’t work now, you’ll struggle later.” People around you would stop you too: “You can go after retirement.”
And then thoughts like: “If only I could get back with her…” “What kind of life would I be living…?” “If only, back then…” Those words keep spinning around and around in my head. But in the end, I always come back to:
“If only, back then…”
Pathetic, really… No matter how much I think about it, I can’t go back to the past.
But still— it’s amazing, isn’t it? I’m riding across North America on a motorcycle. It’s like a movie. This breakup… I lost something huge. The damage was big. A serious wound.
… But maybe what I’m gaining now is unbelievably big too. Well, I won’t know that until many years from now…
Still… I think when humans die, everything ends up plus-minus zero. Good things, bad things, sad things, happy things— once you die, they’re all like illusions. Sometimes I think about that.
Well… I’m no saint, so I don’t really know.
Maybe I’m a little tipsy. But this drink… it’s really good…
To be continued…
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